Help And Hope For The Grieving

The pain! The shame! The isolation! The devastation!

Are you a “single-again” person? Do these emotions resonate with you now?

I, myself, experienced feelings of pain, isolation, confusion and devastation when my husband unexpectedly and suddenly died. Single!?? Can’t be. Bills: how do I find passwords for those accounts he had just set up online? Companionship: how will I be in this house by myself? How will I live without my best friend? God: I’m too young to be a widow!

If you have recently lost your spouse, you may relate to the above feelings and so many more. Most of us do. It does not matter whether the loss was caused by a death, divorce or long-term separation. While each person experiences different emotions and acts differently when those emotions hit, we share a common feeling.

We call that feeling GRIEF.

Yes, grief! Grief for the loss of the one we once loved. And all of us in grief can feel guilt and shame (I should have/could have done something differently); isolation (the Church doesn’t welcome me anymore); devastation (where do I start—I’m not capable of doing anything alone); anger and bargaining (why did God let this happen even after I promised to change); and so on. We experience these and many other feelings, perhaps over and over, and at the most unexpected and inconvenient times. 

But there is hope!

First, know that you are not alone no matter what your circumstances: many have experienced similar feelings after suffering the “death of a marital relationship” in any way. Second, feelings are not bad or good, they just are; do not beat yourself up for having those feelings.

So, how do you know you are not alone? How can you manage those feelings? How can you learn to cope? One answer is to attend a weekend led by the Beginning Experience International Ministry, a grief support organization of peer ministers. E

Everyone on the weekend team has also lost a marital relationship and therefore can accompany those just now dealing with the grief of loss as peers. I know: I am one of those peer ministers. And I know that the Ministry’s programs help people in different stages of grief. To be clear, it is not a therapy group or professional counseling session—we listen to and accompany those in grief knowing they are where we once were.

Beginning Experience of Amarillo is offering a weekend program from Friday, Aug. 20 to Sunday, Aug. 22 at the Bishop DeFalco Retreat Center at 2100 North Spring in Amarillo. For more information or to register please visit bdrc.org/beginningexperience or contact Deacon Phil Whitson at 806-681-3116 or via email, [email protected].

Won’t you do something nice for yourself? Won’t you consider joining us?

Michelle Barrentine is Executive Director of Beginning Experience International Ministry, Inc., based in San Antonio.